"Existence of Poor People a Surprise, Says Bush"
"One Hot White Chick Injured in Tsunami Disaster"
"Christian Fundamentalists Suspected of Terror Bombings."
Although these may not sound like typical or even factual news headlines, they were just some of the articles journalism department chairman Robert Zelnick was reading as he helped judge the first HumorFeed Satire News Awards.
"I leaped at the opportunity, because you don't get a chance to enjoy humor in this business everyday," Zelnick said. "It's a business that takes the world seriously and, even worse, takes itself seriously."
Zelnick and four other professional journalists named Ben Spierenburg's "Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French" the best news story of 2005. "Terri Schiavo Dies; Congress Orders Feeding Tube Reinserted" won second place, and third place went to "Microsoft's AntiSpyware Tool Removes Internet Explorer."
Many Boston University students said they were not surprised to hear Zelnick had been chosen to judge a satire news story contest.
"From what I can tell, he has a good sense of humor," College of Communication sophomore Mary-Katherine Ream said.
Just mentioning Zelnick's sense of humor made journalism program coordinator Sheryl Jackson-Holliday laugh.
"He has an excellent sense of humor," she said. "Sometimes we just have to laugh, he's so dry."
Journalism professor Mitchell Zuckoff said he shared the same opinion of Zelnick's humor.
"I would say he's the perfect judge," Zuckoff said. "If you didn't find Professor Zelnick, you would have to invent him for this role."
Though Zelnick is expecting to receive a small payment for his services, he said it was more about the humor than the money.
"The thing I really like about satire is that you can sometimes get away with things that are critical of the administration or an individual that don't quite ruffle the feathers as much as in an opinion or editorial piece," he said.
Zelnick said he remembered once writing a satire about Alaskan fishermen in which he ridiculed the governor.
"I got more people throwing their arms around me and patting me on the back," he said. "[The governor and I] ended up having a great relationship."
Zelnick said he thinks satire is harder to write than normal opinion columns.
"It's much tougher, you work harder at it," he said. "If you write satire that falls flat, it's like walking down the street unzipped or with ketchup stains on your shirt or something equally horrible."
Though Zelnick said he mostly remembers "laughing very hard" while judging the entries, he also had two criteria in judging satire. He said the premise must be funny and the humor must be sustained throughout the article.
While Zelnick said he thought humor was largely missing from today's news, Zuckoff said he thought humor was a large part of the behind-the-scenes news business.
"We do take ourselves seriously in the news business, but inside newsrooms there's always a rich lode of underground humor," Zuckoff said. "I think news people have always had a rich appreciation for satire."
Zuckoff said he remained "deeply envious" of Zelnick's position on the panel.
"Maybe someday, if I grow up to be chairman, I will have a great and rich opportunity like this one," Zuckoff said.
Zelnick said he did not know why he had been chosen for the panel.
"What can I say," Zelnick said. "I was fortunate."
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