We’re back with professors, textbooks, resident assistants, and fake-as-hell personalities from suburbanites who feel the need to constantly re-invent themselves and partake in all things trendy. Hot dang, college sucks; though I must admit there is one thing this sack of broiled buffalo testicles enjoys whilst living on-campus – the mighty power of an Ethernet connection. A cheap, music-hungry, turkey basting fool (such as I) needs to keep up with the latest and greatest bootlegging tools and Yanni world tours. So keep reading and learn where you, too, can download your music for free. Oh yeah, I do not condone such actions, and neither does any of the staff here atTthe Daily Free Press. Oh hell, have a fun illegal time — everyone is doing it!
A couple years ago, those fortunate enough to have a zippy connection to the Internet learned of a little program that gave birth to countless downloads of .mp3’s . To those of you who have been trapped in the folds of Dom DeLuise’s fat for the past five years, .mp3s are a file format that allow CD-quality audio at relatively small file sizes. This program, often referred to as “Napster” or “Bob Newhart’s re-occurring nightmare,” had a reign much like that of the Roman Empire — minus the whole crucifixion of Jesus thing. For years it ruled supreme; music lovers across the globe were able to frolic in the magnificent dandelion fields of the free music community without worrying about drive-by shootings or the occasional Man-o-war comeback tour. Life was good; previously unknown artists were getting widespread recognition and has-been metal bands and record labels were beginning to feel their wallets thin down just a bit.
Much like the Roman Empire, Napster’s reign came to an unexpected halt. Though the members of Napster’s army typically refrained from wearing helmets topped with red bristled scrubbing brushes — often preferring the warmth of tightly knit burlap socks — the spring semester of 2001 left poor, cheap, and sex-starved music lovers without a way to download the music they enjoy (not paying for). A couple of alternatives arose - Gnutella, MyNapster, AIMster, etc. But, none provided either the vast library of music or the speed of the now-crippled Napster.
I am quite happy to say things are taking a turn for the best — not generally speaking however, as we are still stuck in a society that is plagued with atrocious acts of racism, child abuse and Carrot Top. New and improved Napster alternatives have arrived that blow their predecessor out of the water. For the sake of all that is morally correct and holy, I will start with the legal side of things. No gray areas here, just pure unadulterated mp3 downloading action. I’m talking about www.emusic.com. This sweet little site has hundreds of record labels contributing full downloadable albums for a small nominal fee. The current deal on the site is one month of unlimited downloads for free. If you wish to sacrifice your cash to the Man, a subscription for unlimited downloads is a mere ten bucks a month. That comes to about three cents an album profit for the bands whose music you download. They have it all though – The Troggs, Chuck Berry, Johnny Cash and, oh lordy, a bit of Fats Domino, too. The site is a great resource for anyone who enjoys browsing through various artists and genres on their spare time. If you wish to go legal, go with emusic.com. The King of Kings says it is the right thing to do.
Okay, so your ten dollars a month is better spent on beer and cigarettes. This expenditure is totally understandable, which is why you send the tiny angelic version of yourself on a long vacation and share a handle of ol’ Jackie D. with the mini-devil who resides on your shoulder when you do things such as watching shows starring David Carridine after your parents have fallen asleep. It’s not his stiff martial arts that are naughty; it’s his flowing white hair and half-melted face. It is definitely wrong, but it feels so right. My friends, there is a new file-sharing program in town and its name is Morpheus (insert token geeky Matrix joke here). This program, available at www.musiccity.com, has one feature that I have really grown to appreciate: the ability to download damn near anything. Want porn, programs, games, videos, music, or porn? You got it. Of course you can only download such things if and only if you own a legit copy of the files in question and wish to have a backup, just in case a pack of rabid penguins were unleashed in your room and tore all your hardcopies to pieces.
To quote a friend who was once caught wearing nothing more than his replica World Wrestling Federation championship belt and watching Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie, “Uh, guys, I can explain, really...”
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