I remember, back in seventh grade or so, thinking, “Boy, girls are really gonna like me. I’m funny, and smart, and I’ll be nice to them. I’m a nice guy.” Well, being funny and smart counts a little bit, it’s true. But being nice? Counts not at all.
Back then, in my naivete and my braces, I thought that guys who treated women badly (mentally and emotionally — physically is another column entirely) were jerks. I mean, for the sake of clarity I will refer to guys who treat women badly as jerks (because they are), but I thought they were born jerks. I thought that if I’d known them when they were small children, they’d have been the same way, saying things like, and “Goo goo gah gah ain’t nothing but skanks and hoes Pokemon.” Or something like that. I now realize that isn’t the case. Most of these guys were probably perfectly nice when they were young, saying instead, “Goo goo gah gah if I had a girl like that I’d treat her like a queen. Beanie babies.”
I have friends, good friends, good guys, who used to be nice to girls and are now jerks. Even I, a generally nice guy, sure feel like being a jerk sometimes. I have great impulses to do jerk-like things. Why? What causes this?
Girls. Girls are mean to us. The thing about it is, if you treat a girl well, she’ll be grateful and treat you well too ... for about 12 seconds. Then she’ll realize what a free ride she’s getting and will walk all over you and make you her bitch. We’ve all seen it happen.
That whipping motion you make when your friend goes to pick up his girlfriend from some stupid errand she’s running on the other side of the state comes not out of jealousy ,(as I’m sure these whipped fellows tell themselves as they cry themselves to sleep at night), but out of rage. Rage at all the women who’ve whipped each of us in the past, only to cheat on us and break our hearts, taking advantage of our foolish efforts to be “nice.”
The reason we’re so angry is the same reason everybody hates the Yankees and the rest of the world hates America: they always win. It drives you nuts, dating women and seeing your friends date women, thinking, “maybe this one will be nice.” But then any woman a guy likes enough to be nice to invariably sticks her hand up his butt and operates him like a puppet. Hence the rage.
So why are guys jerks to women? Two reasons:
1. Revenge. Even though Suzy is the one who broke your heart in high school, Jenny is also a girl, and is also blonde or something, and that’s good enough. Rage is transferred: take it out on Jenny. Rationalize; “Well, she probably did the same thing to some other guy at some point.” As horrible as it sounds, I think it probably makes you feel better.
2. Intelligence. Guys have observed (and interestingly, it’s often the stupider guys who observe it first) that guys who are jerks to girls get more chicks. It’s uncanny. This is partly due to the universal law that the more you like somebody, the less they like you (therefore, if you really like somebody, act like you don’t like them and they’ll want you more — I’m hardly breaking new ground here).
But it’s mostly that if you’re nice to a girl, she’ll see you as weak and walk all over you until you kill yourself. If you’re mean to her, she’ll treat you with a little more respect (fear) and be more afraid that you’ll lose interest. She will, therefore, make more of an effort in all aspects of your relationship. Machievelli said it’s better to be feared than to be loved. Machievelli was a smart man (Richard won on Survivor, if you’ll recall).
It’s horrible, I know, but it’s true. Mental abuse is the key to all relationships. At least based on the empirical evidence I’ve witnessed. It’s downright depressing.
So, as you can see, guys are mean to girls as revenge for girls being mean to guys. But why are girls mean to guys? That’s the funny part. Because guys are mean to girls! It’s a grand circle of jerks! Older guys are mean to girls. Girls turn bitter and vengeful. Girls are mean to guys their own age. Guys turn bitter and vengeful. Guys are mean to younger girls. And so it goes.
I’m not saying this is the way it has to be, or that this is the way it should be. I’m just saying that this is the way it is. Theoretically, I suppose, there are relationships devoid of emotional abuse, just none that I or anyone I know has been in. And there are people who aren’t turned bitter by mean members of the opposite sex. These people are slow to catch on and will go through life as suckers, buying Valentine’s Day cards and real estate in Florida. Pity them.
I myself am not quite a jerk. Yet. But, frankly, if my life continues the way it has, I will be a jerk. Pretty soon. Luckily, I’m not handsome enough to do a whole lot of damage once I go over to dark side.
Someday in the distant future, when I’ve been turned far more bitter and vengeful than I am now, some kid is going to see me intentionally damaging my girlfriend’s self-esteem so that it won’t occur to her that she can do better than me and he’ll think, “I don’t understand why guys are such jerks to girls.” But that kid’s going to end up a bitter jerk, too.
Don’t get mad at me. I don’t make up the rules. I just write them down.
[Pat Casey is a senior in the College of Communication.]
Be the first to comment on this article!