He's a goofy little slickster, isn't he? Even the cadence of his walk, filled with such pride. Look at these feet, my fellow Americans, one in front of the other, I don't even have to watch them! Have you ever seen anything like this? Nope. I haven't.
Watching George walk, you get the feeling he's having a pretty good time with this whole presidential gig. Helicopters, World Series tickets, a month-long vacation. He's a little boy at Christmas. And what does every little boy want for Christmas? A gun! Suddenly, Little Boy George has so many guns he doesn't know what to do with them. But he's got an idea: use 'em in Iraq.
Naturally, if you were one of the millions of Iraqis currently running for the hills — or if you were pretty much anyone residing outside of America — you might ask, "Why is George doing this?" You might be told, "Well, Mr. Iraqi civilian, there's this Saddam guy who even you don't like. There's a remote chance that in the future, he might possibly do something to us. Or someone we know. Or he might do nothing. But in any case, to avoid the vague possibility of future deaths, you must die now. Sorry."
This is a tough sell. It's a very abstract concept that we're trying to get across here and, unfortunately, most of the world doesn't have Tom Brokaw, Dan Abrams or Gideon Yago to hold their hands and explain it to them. In the absence of such astute analysis, these poor souls are left to make their own judgments of America as we gleefully approach war.
What they see is a country whose leaders passionately implore Israel and Palestine, and India and Pakistan to put down those nasty guns and just say yes to peace. Of course, any of those countries could present a reasonably convincing argument for resorting to war. Especially by George's low standards. So why does he get to pull trigger after preaching peace to everyone else? Just because.
George must think the rest of the world's pretty dumb. Repeatedly, he's justified the impending war by claiming that Iraqi citizens must be freed from Saddam's torturous regime. We're coming to save you, Mr. Iraqi! Just like we did in Afghanistan. Look how good they have it now!
Such grave concern for the well-being of Iraqi citizens would certainly be a significant change in foreign policy. UNICEF and the World Health Organization estimate that U.S.-led sanctions have killed over 1 million Iraqis, half of them children under the age of five. Our 1991 bombing intentionally targeted and contaminated the water supply of 22 million Iraqis.
Meanwhile, Saddam still owns a nice big house with tasty and abundant tap water. With friends like these...
George obviously doesn't think too highly of the United Nations either, an organization he's had zero use for in his administration. I once walked into my kitchen and found a roommate pouring my orange juice. His glass already full, he kindly asked, "You mind if I have some of this?" With like-minded sincerity, George gave the United Nations a heads-up, saying we just might have to go to war if Saddam doesn't welcome arms inspectors. When Saddam agreed to the inspections a day later, the window of opportunity had already slammed shut. You could almost picture George giggling. "Up high, down low, you're too slow!"
But really, who cares?
That's the astounding view of many Americans who have little concern with what the rest of the world thinks. What does it matter? We're the U.S. of F—in' A! Somehow, even after watching the World Trade Center crumble, people still possess this mindset. But it does matter.
Did anyone think they'd live to see the day when the United States basketball team would lose a game? How about three in a row? After Team USA's humiliating showing at the World Championships, they collectively shrugged their shoulders, admitting they simply didn't realize the tournament was that important. The sheer ignorance and arrogance shown in USA's locker room at the World Championships can be seen all over Washington, in the eyes of George, Dick, Don and the rest of the good ol' boys.
No one's invincible though. The Roman Empire eventually fell and, though we're sitting pretty right now, one day we could fall, too.
That being said, there's never been a better opportunity to change the perception and direction of our nation. The entire world is focused on the United States. They know what we're going to do. It's just a matter of when. But what a mind-blowing decision it would be if we refrained from war and made an honest effort toward a peaceful resolution. No one would know what to make of it. A world silenced in shock, just because we did ... nothing.
To refrain from military action is truly the best option. In the long run, we stand to gain very little from a war. The government has argued that it will prevent future attacks on America. But in the same breath, they sadly assure us that another attack on America is inevitable, regardless of what actions are taken. Putting aside our guns for the moment is a bold statement that would be made under the spotlight of a global stage. From a PR standpoint, it's a no-brainer.
The only group of people that would be disappointed by our restraint would be the Islamic extremists who would love to see George fall into their trap. All along, Osama bin Laden's primary objective has been to rally the masses against the violent and hypocritical Americans. Nothing energizes recruitment efforts like big American bombs dropping on little Arab nations. Conversely, peace, fairness, and diplomacy are bad for Osama's business.
No one can predict what this war will bring. People will die. Some will die slowly, some will die in one quick tragic flash. Some will be brutally maimed and some will lose the few possessions they have. Americans and Iraqis and all different kinds of people will feel all different kinds of pain.
But this much is nearly certain: George Bush will not die. Nor will any of his family members. Nor will his friends. His day-to-day life will be relatively comfortable 10 years from now. George'll be just fine. Maybe that's why he's got no problem with heading off to war.
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