PERSPECTIVE: 'FatEX' a cure to the starving

I'm going to be honest. I have not done much volunteer work in my time. I don't build habitats for humanity, I have never helped out in a soup kitchen and I have no idea whatsoever what Key Club does. But I am going to fix that right now. I have an incredible idea that will absolve me of all those hours spent drooling on my dorm bed instead of going out and making the world a better place.

Firstly though, I want to make it clear that I am not giving it to the world for the personal gain that tends to follow other examples of brilliance in action - it is nothing more than one citizen doing his part for the benefit of all. I think it is important that we give back to a society and a world that has given to us. At least, starting now.

My idea is the solution to, not one, but two of the major problems affecting America and the world at large.

Many geniuses settle for solving only one major problem, and some don't even do that. I thought it important to go the extra distance because, frankly, I care more. The problems I am speaking of are worldwide starvation and the more recent outbreak of obesity in the United States.

According to the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization, nearly six million children die from hunger-related deaths each year.

"Sure, sure," you say, "what are six million here and there. I see practically that many new freshman wandering about every day."

But I say no. Even a paltry six million children are still children and thus, deserve our efforts.

Maybe if we focus on the problem at home instead of abroad, you will empathize a little more. The National Institute of Health says two-thirds of American adults are overweight and one-third of those is obese. Obesity increases the likelihood of death by 50 to 100 percent. For the mathematically challenged among us, that means if you are fat, you are twice as likely to die of everything.

Initiatives have been initiated, bills passed, speeches made, but the people behind these efforts were looking at the problem in the wrong way. They thought, "America seems to be getting fat from eating too many cheeseburgers and drinking too much soda, so I guess we should make those things healthier, or not serve them in school cafeterias." The same closed-minded approach was an attempt used in trying to solve world hunger. "People all over are dying because they are not getting enough to eat. I guess we should send them more food."

Sure, both of those approaches are alright; hell, they may even get the job done eventually, but there is a much, much better way. The problem, dear readers, is not in the food, it is in the fat. If these children had more fat, they would not die of starvation, and if Americans had less, they would take much longer to die, regardless of what it is that afflicts them. It is because of this understanding that I was able to come up with FatEX: the fat delivery service for the modern age.

FatEX will, for government subsidy or nominal fee to Americans, use liposuction to remove the fat from the obese around the United States. Then, rather than waste all that glorious fat, they will transport it to Africa, China, India, etc., where it will be injected directly into the stomachs that need it.

One could argue that this approach is desperate or even a little inhumane but I ask you, is it really any more inhumane than stealing candy from a baby and giving it to a skinnier baby who really needs that candy more? Or when trapped in mountains in winter, eating a member of your party who already died, as to save the lives of those who remain? Or asking Americans to eat less double bacon-cheeseburgers both for their benefit and for everyone else's? Hardly.

Jeff Moskowitz, a sophomore in the College of Communication, is a staff writer for The Daily Free Press.