I remember affectionately the first time I saw a pornographic magazine. I was 11 years old and it was at my friend Dan's house. We were trading baseball cards and all of sudden he turns to me and asks, "Have you ever seen a Playboy?" I had not. So he reached under his bed and pulled out a key. He then proceeded to use the key to unlock a secret shelving unit hidden behind his door. When he took the lock off, his collection shined like a long-lost golden treasure.
In truth, it was a long-lost golden treasure. I had never seen a porn magazine, or even a porn video, until that day. As "unique" as the contents of the pages of his Playboy collection were, the really cool thing about it was that his parents did not know about it. We were 11-year-old rebels. In our hands, we held magazines that were not supposed to be within our grasp until we were 18. While our friends sipped Kool-Aid and watched "Full House," Dan and I spent our afternoons with blondes named Nikki and brunettes named Victoria.
That was when porn was fun and new and adventurous. Now, nine years later, everything I hear about pornography is bleak. Right now, our school stands divided, and for the first time since I've been here, the divide is not between the blue and the red states. Boston University currently offers a dual party system: FB and AB - For Boink and Against Boink. No matter what side you stand on, the other side really annoys you right now. You cannot understand how they support/hate the publication. This rift in pornography does not exist only here at Boston University.
A good friend of mine from California called me a few weeks ago. He started the conversation off with: "I got fired, man." I asked why. "Well, it's, uhh, it's a long story." I told him I had time - and I sat back and sipped my Perrier as he told me one of the best stories I have ever heard. This friend of mine had been working as a cell phone salesman for the last year and a half as he went to a local junior college. Over time his boss developed a liking for him. Eventually, she introduced my friend to her same-aged niece. As the summer went by, the same-aged niece and my friend hit it off - and did a lot of other things together, too. When the summer concluded, my friend decided to conclude his relationship with the same-aged niece, because when it came to "extra-curricular activities," he just couldn't keep up.
A month or so passed and they did not speak, until one day, when my friend arrived at work and met his new co-worker, the same-aged niece. Things immediately picked up between the two again. A month into the rekindled relationship, the two got incredibly drunk one night and decided to do something neither of them had ever done before: shoot a porno. When they woke up the next morning, they found on her video camera a lengthy, principal-overseeing-a-student-in-detention porn. My friend laughed it off and went back to his regular life.
That is, until he arrived at work a month and a half later to find his boss waiting for him. She walked right up to him and declared, "You're fired." No reason was given, but you really don't have to be Ken Jennings to figure this thing out. The next day, he learned that the same-aged niece's mother had found the video and shown it to the aunt (my friend's boss).
According to California state law, you must give someone their final paycheck on their last day, or you must pay the person a full day's salary for every day that the final paycheck is late. Weeks went by and no paycheck. My friend wrote two letters to the company with no response. Finally, a month or so later, owed more than $1,000, he was forced to file a grievance with the state. If the company continues to withhold payment, this case could end up in court. In no way did my friend violate company rules, thus giving his boss a lawful reason to fire him. Furthermore - and the most exciting tidbit of the whole case - my friend's parents have no idea why he got fired. In court, they may find out visually.
My friend is not the only person I have heard got fired this year due to porn. One of the companies my stepdad works with recently fired an employee, because when the employee took a company computer home he visited a porn site that froze the computer. When he returned to work the next day with the site frozen on the screen, they let him go. Now my stepdad's entire business must work under strict internet viewing rules. So strict that my stepdad had to send emails to his friends to inform them to stop forwarding him dirty jokes.
Should my friend have shot a high school-themed porn with the boss' niece? Probably not, but if the tape had never been found, he would still be an employee. Should the guy have viewed porn on a company computer? Probably would have kept his job if he hadn't, but he definitely would still have his job if the computer hadn't frozen. Should students at BU publish a porn magazine? Who knows - maybe or maybe not.
All I ask everyone to do is remember the good ole days. Like when my porn-starring friend and I found a Playboy from the early 1970s in my grandfather's desk at age 15. When you and your friends sat around the tube and watched Debbie Does Dallas as attentively as many now watch "24." Let's just have fun again. Not lose our jobs or our heads arguing about it.
Just think: Some 11 year old could come across Boink in the near future. He is going to smile, so why can't we?
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