On Monday, Oct. 29, 2007, Boston woke up to the sweetest hangover it had ever had. Soccer moms elbowed each other at local sports stores, eager to purchase stacks of official World Series merchandise for their broods. The Jordan's Furniture guys, owning up to their promise, wrote out check after check to their Sox-faithful customers. That one Colorado Rockies fan hid under his blankets and ate ice cream all day. The truly hardcore who had rioted the night before woke up to their battle wounds, triggering memories of surfing atop a rowdy crowd, and recalled with disbelief being corralled by an army of police on horses. Mike Lowell woke up to another day of being awesome. The Yankees continued to suck. Then, a thought hit Red Sox Nation like a train: The season was over.
The celebratory Red Bull had just begun to crust over on Kenmore square when that bittersweet feeling of Fenway closing up shop arrived. What was I supposed to do all winter? I needed my daily dosage of Kevin Youkilis's shining beacon of a head. I had no choice but to pile on all the Sox gear I own and blast the Dropkick Murphys while I danced countless jigs to pass the dreariest season. The months were cold, the Patriots broke our hearts and apparently the Celtics are good again, but Boston baseball fans can now breathe a slightly warmer sigh of relief.
Get out your peanuts and Cracker Jacks, because baseball season has arrived. It's true -- Manny, Daisuke, Tek, Big Papi and friends are all back for another shot at the trophy. With the home opener at our beloved Green Monster just a couple of weeks away, it's easy to fantasize about the season ahead. Well, I have seen the future my friends, and I can tell you what is to become one of the 2008 Red Sox.
Jacoby Ellsbury will continue to be challenged by fast food chains around New England, making him the unofficial champion of heart disease. Burger King will offer whoppers for bunts. McDonald's will trade apple pies for walks. Wendy's will match a frosty for every grand slam. Get ready to eat, Boston.
Coco Crisp will express a long-repressed childhood dream of going into the breakfast food industry. He will establish his very own pancake company with business partner Dustin Pedroia. Pedroia will launch a side project which he will dub "Aunt Pedroia's Syrup." Delicious.
Manny shall keep on keepin' on, doing that thing he does. Terry Francona will unveil a surprise player by the name of Barack Obama. Obama will shine in every position they put him in but will be forced to leave the team midseason when he makes Papelbon cry.
Mike Lowell will marry my mother, who once professed him to be a "papacito." I agree, Mom, I agree. Sorry, Dad.
Daisuke will surprise all of his fans by revealing a secret talent: He can sing! The gun from the Land of the Rising Sun will perform his own interpretation of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" at every home game, building on tradition. The bullpen percussionists, who will go by the name "The Cleatz," will proudly serve as his backup band.
Not surprisingly, Papelbon will win the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars, without even being a participant. "The Papelbon," a trendy dance move inspired by his Irish jig, will sweep the nation at birthdays, bar mitzvahs and proms alike.
Fenway Park will be declared an official place of worship, its hot dogs serving as sacraments and The Standells as the choir. Fans will swarm in and out of its holy gates throughout the months to come. Countless chants will be chanted, stomps will be stomped and beers will be drunk.
Overall, the season to come will be one to remember. Within the next few weeks, the crack of the bat will once again ring down Yawkey Way and spill into the city, bringing with it a familiar calm. Summer months will be spent waiting in line for Monster seats. Strangers will rally with and against each other in sticky bleachers and coveted boxes alike. Pitchers will pitch. Batters will bat. Manny will be Manny. Baseball is back.
Isis Madrid, a junior in the College of Communication, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at im@bu.edu.
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